i have allergies, i have a fuckin pimple on the side of my nose because of my allergies. my head isn’t fully recovered from the past weekend, not only from toking it hella tough but because of some family shit. i’m not even excited for prom that much anymore. i’m tired of doing homework for school, especially my bullshit ass marketing class. like no, lets not do anymore group presentations. i’d rather work on my own. i mean fuck i like troy but no, i don’t like brainstorming with other people. leave me alone. and fuck, can i get a damn job already? if sherie doesn’t want to have lunch tomorrow i’m going to fucking go to gwen tomorrow and ask her whats good with getting me a job. i got a fuckin id now. i should get my permit before i graduate, or maybe i’ll just do it after i graduate. that seems easier. anyways, i’m pretty sad. i wish i cried today. i think i still need to do that. it needs to be out of my system. i miss my brother. i know he isn’t going to come home from his friends house, or getting hella lit with his friends. he’s far away, i can’t say where but i miss him. i like his presence. it’s comforting even though he’s a pain in the dick, and can hoover but he’s my brother. he takes care of me in the smallest ways possible, the most essential ways. i hate how it seems like the biggest things are going on this year, like really? i thought senior year was supposed to be a little bit more chill than this? i fucking hate this. i was so fucking irritated with everyone today, i mean fuck i didn’t say shit to anyone cause i’m not going to fuckin start shit with random bitches but fuck, people just need to stop being hella annoying and stupid. i swear to god, i will merk anyone who comes near me or my family or friends or boyfriend. 

the only thing that’s keeping me at peace is my boyfriend. he’s the best support system i’ve ever had. i feel so selfish because he loves me so much and i feel like i talk about myself too much. i wish we lived together. that’d make me so happy. it’d be wonderful. i know i’m still young and shit, but this kid. he’s everything. he’s everything i’ve ever wanted and everything i’ve ever needed. he’s my breath of fresh air that i’ve always needed in my life. he keeps me sane. i love him. i can be my complete self with him. i love that, and he can too. he said forever, and children. i’d love to be with him forever. i don’t want to hold on to that, but that’s all i feel when i’m with him. i can feel it being forever. i can see the children. i can see the house, no matter where it is. i love you cameron. you’re the love of my life, and the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

being woken up by your boyfriend who has the softest fucking lips ever is the shit, i wish we lived together so i could be woken up by his handsome face every morning. 

my friends are assholes, my friends are assholes. i’m starting to hate my friends, i’m really really fucking starting to hate my friends. 

my best friend resents the fuck out of me. ain’t that great? 

james bradas’ senior quote is not ‘lets get rachet!’

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahah

wavy hair, top eyeliner and a natural lipstick would explain how i look. 

i wish i could do it everyday. i need mane n tail. fuck patene. i need a job, my resume is ready to be looked at but i lack self-confidence. i’ll try my best though, i’m just a shy mother fucker.

i feel so sketchy about introducing my friend to people who i like, where i don’t want her to make me look shitty. like c’mon man, i don’t want them to like you more than me. i don’t want it to be that kind of thing. 

i think i’m in that same place deaante was last year. i just need to get the fuck out of here and get off my ass and make something of myself. or well, actually he wasn’t at that place just where he needs to get off his ass and make himself happy. i’m there. i have a great ass motherfuckin boyfriend. the things that would complete my life right now is if i had my license, a job, my own apartment and no worries about paying for college. fuck college, fuck the system. 

i just want to fuck my boyfriend. i sound like a whore but at least its my boyfriend. i need the dick. 

cameron is cool. i mean his email is camcool, duh. my heart sinks back to the place where it’s supposed to be. i inhale and feel happiness. i inhale and smell his scent. i inhale and it’s clean. i inhale and i know he’s all i’ve ever wanted. i inhale and i know he’s true. i inhale and i want to be him forever. 

i use the term ‘forever’ very loosely. i’ve typed it out now. fuck. 

i fucking love this kid. 

i don’t want to be one of those naive ass bitches that tells their boyfriend that they want to be with them forever because they know in their hearts they don’t feel that way, but it just seems like the perfect word. 

perfect. i know we may not all be, and he annoys me sometimes but not seriously. shit. 

this is so lame. 

stupid cupid, quit picking on me. 

fuck i’m annoyed as fuck. i hate my friends. i don’t fucking understand why my friend is being such an ass wipe to me nowadays. if i point out one thing she’ll make fun of it, like what the fuck dude. i swear to god. i just want to fucking leave this place but i can’t because i have to go to sf state to somehow save money and still go to school then transfer. i don’t want to live with my parents. there’s a likely chance that me and my boyfriend will break up before we both start school in the fall because i know for a fact that i can’t do long distance relationships. i just want angela to come back already. she might be asshole to me sometimes too but sometimes her ass keeps me sane because she’s more insane than i am. 

dude, this kid. i wish i was next to him right now just cuddling and sleeping. he’s either doing his homework or he fell asleep. 

he plays with my hair and i’ve taught him how to braid, he massages my back and feeds me, he tries to smear off my smudged eye make-up for me and kisses me on the forehead, he takes me out on dates and he loves me. 

i love him a lot. can i keep him forever? i use that term loosely but i want to keep him. my first love was wasted on the one before him. i want him to break me.